These were the words my sweet Dani said to me once. She was a client of mine - the first one of my entry into post-consultant life. I was teaching her private yoga classes 2-3 days a week and it was almost enough to pay my Washington DC, high-rise, full amenities provided for, rent.
I was teaching and helping her a lot. She was overcoming anxiety, reconnecting to her body, and healing from the grief of her fiancé who died two years prior from cancer. Little did she know how much she was helping me, too.
She had a big, bold energy. The personality where you would not want to get on her bad side but being someone she respected could take you much further in life. She was fierce. It was no surprise that she had multiple successful companies by the age of 30.
One day, after our yoga session, we were chatting a bit while her two tiny, crazy dogs ran around us, tearing their toys to pieces. And she said to me words that seemed casual at the time, though they have been forever imprinted on my heart and come to save me in a moment of wanting to stay safe, quiet, and small in my personal bubble of kushy comfort.
“I’d rather regret what I said than what I didn’t say.”
I sat there in silence, taking it in, wondering if I agreed. I had been accustomed to being quiet, playing it safe, letting others come to me, brushing it off when I didn’t speak my truth by saying, “It wasn’t the right time.” or “It’s fine.”
After pondering for a moment, I realized she was absolutely speaking a truth I was meant to hear.
And it has shaped me forever.
Not without one more huge regret of not saying something to make it deep and real for me, though.
I was going to Dani’s house 2-3 times a week to give a yoga class and Reiki energy healing sessions. We chatted a lot and she even shared with me that through this healing she had been inspired to start writing her book.
I was in awe and amazed at the growth I had witnessed in her in just six weeks.
During this time, I was also experiencing rapid changes in my own life after quitting my job in finance and ending my four and a half year relationship. I had decided to take a big leap and move to Europe to start my entrepreneurial journey. I was a brand-new baby in the coaching and yoga teaching industry and I was shy, nervous, and hesitant to put my offers out into the world. I was confused about how much to charge for my services and wasn’t sure anyone would even be interested in working with me online.
Dani and I had kept in touch while I left DC and she even asked for online classes. I had a ping to offer my coaching services to her, that I could really support her positive momentum to keep going. I wasn’t sure she would be interested though, so I kept my mouth shut. After all, I wasn’t even sure that I could provide healing and transformation over a screen.
I kept quiet. I didn’t share an offer.
And less than a year later, we lost Dani to suicide.
I’m not saying my decision to not offer my healing services were the thing, but I do regret withholding here. I don’t regret many things in my life, but offering my support, even when I wasn’t 100% confident in what I could provide, may or may not have been a piece that supported her to be in creation mode, continuing to write her book, go on yoga retreats around the world, and falling in love with life again.
And my fear, doubts, and not being 100% sure stopped me from putting the offer out there, even when I felt it in my heart to do so.
I don’t blame myself for what happened, but I do feel Dani every time I feel shy or scared to share something boldly and bravely.
Someone asked me recently, if I had a few hours left to live, what would I do?
I answered, “I would post my book as-is somewhere public so I could at least leave some of my lessons behind that would hopefully help many people find an easier way in life, not feeling so alone, and receive gems that expand their perspective in a way that supports them to live a better life. I would tell many people I love them and how much I believe in them and ask them to not hold back in this life, but to discover what is possible and follow their happiness and truth at all costs, even when its hard.” I would not hold back my expression. I would say what it is my heart.
I can see her face beaming at me with love and fierceness. Any time I am being shy, limiting myself, holding back, putting it off. I see her face.
I channel it into my own bold expression. I channel it into the decision to put down the security deposit on hosting a retreat and believing in myself to see it through. I channel it into sharing vulnerably from my heart with a man I have feelings for, regardless of what the response will be. I channel it into my coaching offers, asking someone for help, and setting boundaries. I channel it when I feel a truth that I have to act upon, even when it is not the easy or comfortable way. I channel it when I have to have a difficult conversation when it might not make the other person happy, but it has to be said, for the sake of love. If it is rooted in love, I say it.
Those words that she left me with changed the trajectory of my life and they echoed loudly when I didn’t implement her sage words and instead gave in to the safer path. They continue to deepen each time I feel something persistent in my heart. I know it is not meant for me to keep to myself.
The time is now. We are not meant to leave this Earth without leaving our love behind that made the planet a better, truer, more loving place. So write that book, tell that person you love them, call up your brother you haven’t talked to in months, invite your crush on a date, share a bold truth on your social media, and don’t allow getting it perfectly right stop you.
Thank you so much for being here and for taking the time to read my first publicly pre-released chapters from my book, SANCTUARY - 12 Pillars to Bring You Home to Your True Self.
I have been so loving this journey of bringing my book baby Earthside. Keep an eye out for more chapters to come and let me know what you think! Truly, I will LOVE to hear it. What landed for you? What is your takeaway? Does it resonate? What would you like to hear more of?!
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